Don't know what this falls under. Musings of life perhaps.

There probably comes a time for everyone where we have to part with something or someone. I was one of those people that never really worried about SPM to begin with. No late night studies, group studies, extra class on Saturdays or even constant revision to begin with. What I learnt in class, ( if i was learning at that particular moment ), was what I was going to use against in SPM.
I always thought that SPM was a far and distant event, it's like knowing someone is going to have their birthday next year but you don't really have to keep it in our mind until the person's birthday is like.. next week lol. 

So SPM came, we took our tests and the breaks in-between were filled with people doing last minute studies for the next subject or just discussing about the subject. It was always about a subject. But me and a couple of people ( they know who they are ), just kind of sat there and talked about strategies to use in Red Alert III. We were calm as a rock. My teachers told me that being scared a little for SPM is good, it's so you can have the motivation to study and pray you don't suck. But for me, I just kind of took it as it is. Like okay.. SPM's coming, and uh.. it is. 

None of the "What am I going to do now?" "Shit, I never studied enough." happened. It's not that I'm being purposely ignorant, it's just that the effect of "ohshitness" never came. 

I took the tests. Some questions I could answer and some I couldn't. Fair enough. But I didn't beat myself up over it lol. I know some people are. So I'm just sitting here wondering, is it better to be a worrier but get things done properly? or like carefree and get things done when they come.. lol. This question is probably one of those that every person has a strong opinion about and there could probably never be a clear answer. But SPM is going to be over in less than 24 hours, and I'm feeling... 

Funny thing. I'm not feeling happy, it just feels numb and freeing. It's like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. ( Not that it was very heavy to begin with.) I just feel thankful for the teachers for never giving up on me, despite the things I did. I know I wronged a few of them, and I still have not apologized. But that issue's for another day. Even back during when we were asking for our forecast results. The teacher's were like "How do you think you're going to do in SPM?" And I said. "I'm gonna do okay. Give me what you think I deserve. I'm not going to beg for grades." The teacher's faces remained kind of stone-like and they wrote the mark. And I was happy. For I was not one of those people, that goes to the teacher, stands at their desk, smiles sheepishly, asking for better grades. I'm not saying that's bad, it's good for your future but it's just not me. 

There was this particular teacher that went "You're not going to regret this?" after I said all that. I went " No." And that teacher went ahead and gave me an A. So I guess there are rewards somewhat for people like me. Or is that just wishful thinking lol. I have dreams I want to accomplish, even now, I'm working toward them. I've completed a few and hopefully I'll complete a lot more. But I know that the experiences that led me to become who I am today was mostly gained from school and I would not be able to complete my dreams without them.

So, after 11 long years....

Terima Kasih, Cikgu.